Other Plans

  His Other Plans

I awaken to the steady thump, thump, thump of the road on the tires of my car, steadily taking me back.  Back to my roots.  Back to some sanity.  I strain my eyes to see where we are……  Ah, yes, my oldest daughter, in her late twenties, has the pedal to the metal at a screaming speed of 95mph in my 2000 Mustang.  I pay no mind to what her speed is, not even noticing we are nearly flying.  She is getting me back to my roots, my mom, my husband’s gravesite, old friends from childhood and high school, still residing in the smaller town environment since infancy.  Why is it some people love staying right where they were born while others cannot wait to get out into the bigness of the world, tasting life elsewhere?

It’s the time of year when Mother Nature is bestowing upon many the much needed warmth following an absurdly dreary and cold winter for those residing in the northern tier states.  But where I am coming from, another winter existence is experienced in the desert southwest of the United States.  As they bid farewell to the mild temperatures, winter grass, and cold backyard swimming pools, much of the nation is welcoming the warmer temperatures of Spring in the air.  Phoenix is dreading the sweltering heat that rarely subsides for months on end however, they love their pools in the heat.  Even the nights are dreadfully hot with temps remaining in the eighties, occasionally nineties, throughout several months of summer.   I was never able to spend much time in the hot temps outdoors unless basking in the pool. 

“Mom? Are you okay?”  Jillian inquired, as a lost look gave away my forlorn thoughts. 

“I have no idea what my future holds and if I am making the right choice going back to Minnesota”  Janie replied. 

“Mom, you need to heal.  You need to put some time and space between you and dad.  For your own good and the good of us all, this is the right decision” Jilly uttered in an exhausted voice. 

Releasing a sigh, we both stared at the road ahead, counting the mile markers, the yellow striped lines warning us to stay in our own lane.  No matter tonight, however, as the only ones on the road now are truckers needing to meet a deadline somewhere with their precious loads.  Constant reminders of our travels together as a family of six, venturing across the miles with no definite destination, like gypsies wandering in the night.  We had done that.  Yes!   Actually headed out with no real idea where we wanted to live.  Talk about taking chances with an entire family of four children.  So much for planned parenthood.  Lol

Soon we would be reaching Colorado Springs where we had once lived for a year.  We knew we wanted to go to Colorado but that was the extent of it.  I guess we kind of bailed.  You know, tired of living here?  Then let’s just go.  Just hit the road and wherever we stop, call it home.  It truly was adventurous but it would have been a whole lot more fun if Tony and I were not constantly getting on each other’s nerves.  It seemed we could not make it through an hour or two without some sort of disagreement.  Our ideas of raising children were so varied, it was a constant battle.    They tolerated a lot.  Leaving friends to make new friends.  No consistency in their childhoods. 

My becoming a widow at the age of twenty five, left with my two daughters, ages one and three years old when their daddy, my husband, took a chance with his life by car jumping an upheaved road while drinking with the boys.  That was his last joy ride and my last time to see him.  Meeting and falling in love with Tony made it seem like life would be okay back then.  Sure, we had loved each other.  But I was head strong and a bit of a woman’s libber while he was independently his own person and gave little up of himself for me or my girls.  My girls were my pride and joy.  Needless to say we always butted heads because of his unfair attitudes.  Now  I had left him.  Left him and the hell of the desert behind me forever.  At least it seemed like it would be forever.  I hoped and prayed for a better life.  To someday have a life with a good and fair man.  My children were now adults and I could move forward in life.  This is my story…….

 

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About cttbbelliott

I am a married 60 year old woman with four adult children and nearly 12 grandchildren who all live in the southwest U.S. I have lived with the chronic illnesses of CSF and Fibromyalgia for nine years. I am not able to work for a living. I live on the prairie and love God. My Christianity is most important in my life.
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